Well, on this one occasion Eutychus wandered into a modern, contemporary, real hip church. Eutychus supposed it was a church. There was a sign outside the building, but come to think of it, the word "church" was not on the sign. He went inside eager to meet brothers and sisters in Christ, to warmly greet them in the love of the Lord. But most were too involved sipping their lattes that they had just purchased at a booth in the corner. There was a coffee booth there; it was called "Starstrucks." Starstrucks coffee, he was told, was real cool, and everyone drank it if one wanted to be culturally engaged. I mean one could not simply witness to an unsaved person unless one was holding the familiar coffee cup from Starstrucks. In fact, there had been studies done indicating that more people accepted Christ when the person witnessing to them had been drinking Starstrucks coffee in a Starstrucks coffee cup. Eutychus said, "cool" (Hey, Eutychus is starting to speak hip.).
So, Eutychus tried to start a conversation with the people in the foyer, but he didn't get very far. He didn't know the television shows they watched, and they seemed to want to talk about the latest games they were enjoying on their computers. Eutychus supposed it was easier to talk about being open and accepting than to put it into practice.
Eutychus went into the sanctuary, no wait, he was told it was fellowship space (It used to be called sanctuary, but that was so 20th century, then it came to be known as worship center, but that seemed to make unsaved people feel uncomfortable. It was hoped that the term "fellowship space" was generic enough to make the hardest sinner feel comfortable. I mean, after all, we don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable in church, do we? Who knows, Hitler may have become Hitler because some hard-headed Christian traditionalist tried to preach repentance to him in church instead of making him feel comfortable. Eutychus even thought he saw a guy in the hip church raise his glass of beer and say "To spiritual comfort.")
Looking around, Eutychus saw nothing that made him think he was in church, and when the service started, the music leader said, "Hey folks, glad you are here. Isn't it a great day to rock daddy with God? Let's hear those pipes of yours as you raise your culturally sensitive songs. And hey, everyone, today we have a new software right here in church. Here is how it works - if any song offends you, please push the "I'm Offended" button on your electronically outfitted seat, and you know what? We can change the words to the song right before your eyes. Hey, we can even take votes on what text you like best. Because remember our motto here at "Hip Church" - it is all about you. God is all about you, church is all about you, you are all about you, and hey, let's throw that cross stuff out the window; the cross is so uncomfortable and demanding. This is a NEW DAY."
Well, Eutychus was getting the feeling that this church was not what he was looking for. He was getting real homesick for his brothers and sisters in the first century. He wished he could worship with them again. He actually missed the days when Christian discipleship was sub-cultural, when speaking of Christ was a heart-felt expression. Some day, he would try to go home. Eutychus was homesick.