Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Curious Eutychus meets a Feminist

Friend, I want to welcome you to a new series of contemplative ruminations of uncertain quality. Today begins the ADVENTURES OF CURIOUS EUTYCHUS! I take the name of this fictional character from the interesting young fellow who had the infamous experience of falling asleep during one of Paul's sermons in Acts 20 (not something one would like to have etched in one's legacy..."Oh, your the one who fell asleep during Paul's sermon; wink, wink!"). Well, Eutychus is now visiting us in the 21st century, and an interesting visit it is! He will meet some "peculiar blokes on this beach." Today, curious Eutychus meets a modern feminist.

Eutychus was reading in the newspaper about the recent Focus on the Family commercial that ran during the Super Bowl (Eutychus had to be really "brought up to speed" on what football was, but that is for another story) in which Tim Tebow (monstrously successful former football quarterback for the University of Florida Gators) and his mother express their pro-life story. The general sense of the story is that Mrs. Tebow (Tim's mom) was told when she was pregnant with Tim that she was in great risk during this pregnancy. The doctors in their "all knowing wisdom" (after all, anyone in a white medical smock knows what they are talking about, right? I think the medical smock is now the sign of authority similar to the clerical robe in the middle ages, but that is for another story as well) advised Mrs. Tebow to abort little unborn Tim. But Mrs. Tebow CHOSE to face the possible risks of the pregnancy and have little Tim, who turned out to be fine along with mother. This is where the feminists start to get angry, I mean, after all a woman who would CHOOSE to have her baby deserves to be criticized, right?!

Well, back to Eutychus...he was telling this story to an acquaintance of his at the local coffee shop called "The Double Dip Caffeine Trip All Hip Getting Ready for the Trip We Won't Let You Slip" coffee shop. As he told of the heroic CHOICE by Mrs. Tebow to continue the pregnancy and how everything turned out fine for both mom and her son, the young lady grew more and more agitated. As the story continued she began to glow red with anger and obvious indignation. Eutychus, not having been in the 21st century very long, was confused. When he inquired concerning her problem, she burst out, "Don't you understand you slime ball of male testosterone filled with overtly womanly hatred; you bigoted, arrogant, stupid, insensitive man full of all detestable manly irrational thought." Eutychus was stunned; he had not detected his own male stupidity by simply reading the wonderful story of the courageous story of a young mother CHOOSING life because of her love and belief. He replied, "I don't understand." She shouted with elitist fury, "Of course you don't understand. How could you understand the importance of a woman's CHOICE in a time of great struggle and fear. You pro-lifers are all the same; you haven't got the foggiest clue of what it means to be PRO-CHOICE!" Eutychus exclaimed, "But didn't Mrs. Tebow make her own CHOICE, and shouldn't we applaud her love and sacrifice for her child?" The feminist snootily retorted, "CHOICE! Having a baby is not a CHOICE. Don't you understand that you cannot be PRO-CHOICE unless you CHOOSE the CHOICE that pro-abortionists prefer!" Now Eutychus was really confused. He asked, "But isn't a CHOICE, a CHOICE, whatever the CHOICE is?" The feminist laughed with disdain and cried, "How stupid of you PRO-LIFERS! You don't even know CHOICE when you see one!"

Eutychus went on sipping his latte with a bit of skim milk and artificial sweetener, and wondered, "How is it that CHOICE is not CHOICE?" These are strange thinking people in the 21st century. He wondered if logic had made it to this point in history.


  1. I love it. Very clever and absolutely entertaining!

  2. A typical liberal mindset. Eutychus would be wise to consider the current health care debate. Our President is open to all ideas, even those from the Republicans. But, he will not throw away the ideas presently in the health bills which have passed the Congress even though the American people are against them. In other words, the President is giving the Republicans the choice to participate in the health care debate as long as what they choose is what he wants.

    Great article, good doctor!

  3. Literary blend of Mark Twain, Will Rogers, and Adolph Rupp. Looking forward to next trip with Eutychus in dealing with more of today's contemporary issues.