Eutychus and the Debilicrat

Eutychus, having grown up under Roman occupation, had two issues with modern day American politics. First, he was used to living under tyranny, so he knew quite a bit about it and seemed to have a "nose" for such things. Second, he had trouble understanding American politics and politicians. It seemed to him that American politicians campaigned one way, then they governed a different way when they got elected. Strange! Well, given the fact that it is harder to govern than to campaign, it seemed to Eutychus as he watched several election cycles that many times the politician acted differently when elected than when he was campaigning. It was as if the elected politician could say to the electorate, "You should have paid attention to what I am, not what I said during the campaign."

Well, one day, our 1st century hero transplanted to the modern time, met a Debilicrat, a long time member and faithful supporter of the Debilicratic Party, a political party of some note in the nation. Eutychus was glad to meet a Debilicrat, because he had some questions about how Debilicrats thought.

Eutychus: "Oh, hi, I'm Eutychus."

Debilicrat: "Hi, I'm Nostie Potossi."

Eutychus: "I understand you are a Debilicrat; is that true?"

Debilicrat: "Absolutely, one hundred percent; I am a Debilicrat through and through. I take my orders from the Debilicratic National Party. I change my views regularly to conform to what I am told by the Party."

Eutychus: "Wow, is that a lot?"

Debilicrat: "Every day, and sometimes several times a day. The wind changes a lot you know."

Eutychus: "I have a question: Doesn't a political party have values and truism that they embrace for political purposes? What are the values of the Debilicratic Party?"

Debilicrat: "It is simple - our beliefs are whatever gets us elected and keeps us in power."

Eutychus: "You mean you cannot state what you absolutely and unchangeably believe?"

Debilicrat: "Listen, it is a good gig. All you have do is tell the people you will give them paradise, and they will elect you. They never ask questions. For example, if we tell them we will give them money and jobs and houses and cars, they never ask, 'Who is going to pay for it?' It is amazing how gullible people are. If you tell them what they want to hear, they will vote you right in."

Eutychus: "But what if someone does ask the hard questions, like, 'Who will pay for all these amenities? How will the economic factors be affected? What about the value of hard work?"

Debilicrat: "You're Eutychus, the guy from the first century, right? You are new, so I will explain to you the infallible, never-failing, three-fold strategy of the Debilicratic Party. First, you tell the people the biggest goof-ball promise ever. Second, you use the media as outlets to distribute the promises (we have the media in our DNP pocket; they never criticize us or even ask hard questions. Ha! This is so easy!). And third, if someone asks, 'Who will pay for all these things?' you simply say 'The rich.' No one likes the 'rich', so it works every time. It is an infallible gig."

Eutychus: "But what do the rich think about it?"

Debilicrat: "Oh, we cut a deal with them behind closed doors. It's all done with 'smoke and mirrors'. And no one is the wiser."

Eutychus: "What if you spend more money as a government, than you have coming in? Then what?"

Debilicrat: "Just borrow, borrow, borrow, and let the generations to come pay for it. Ha! What a deal!"

Eutychus thought and thought. And he wondered how long this would last. Although he did not know much about politics and economics, he did use his brain (which is more than many do). And he didn't think this system would last long; perhaps soon the 21st century would go back to being like the 1st century.